Believe it or not I didn’t choose to get Autism + concussion. It was an accident largely contributed to by long hair and appeasing my negligent manager who was too hard on me! Jennifer Boutilier pushed me unreasonably hard without reasonable flexibility for my disability. However, some of the readings may wonder why I wanted to work at Giant Tiger?
It is not just as simple as I wanted a paycheck. It was more than that. I liked my experience doing a placement at Giant Tiger earlier in my Youth Job Connection program with Ron Hunter as my Employment counsellor. I also wanted to help out and be essential during the Coronavirus pandemic.
My current shape:
I am no longer in fit mental or physical shape. There is nothing a hospital can really do for me at this time and no magical medication. As a result I need to control my treatment entirely. I don’t need any family feedback whatsoever. That is just a fact of life at this point. Having my mother Kimberly Richardson tell me in the preachy way that I need medication and hospitalization is out of line and irrelevant. I can’t get the help I need in the midst of a Pandemic. If the bitch left her house once in a while she would realize this! Same with Pat Deroy and everyone else. There is no miracle hospital fix. There is only CBD and waiting this Pandemic out. Get over what you think and let me dictate this treatment.
No matter how much certain families try. They will never achieve Autism Awareness. Why do I say this? Well as an Autistic person with Non-voting, non-active and Autism oblivious parents. I feel I have suffered an undue hardship.
I get more pressure for independence than I do help for survival. That is not autism awareness. It is a state of autism delusion that some families have. For example with my brother Matt when they sent him to the army. Most Autistic people should not be posted in Cold Lake Alberta where they submit to social isolation because it leads to drastic regression.
We can not pretend to be sophisticated about autism. While at the same time neglecting our community issues as soon as a pandemic is around. This is how I failed another living situation! This is also part of why Matt continues to live a very unfulfilling life. Some autistic people will never achieve full independence. In which case the idea of it must be dismissed.
I love my step Mom Tracy. Sometimes though she deserves an award for Autism oblivious. Why on earth did you think your son was a good fit for the army? I have always thought that many families have some kind of severe delusional detachment to suggest this solution.
The Pressure also arises from unfair expectations of independence and the idea for example that I as an autistic person can get my healthcare wherever I am. I can not… I need specific healthcare professionals under specific terms. Today my Dad showed a complete disregard for that in not printing my Medical Directive for the clinic.
Why my step mom isn’t allowed to do autism aware with me and she should probably stop all together? I think she uses it more as a leash than as a tool. I apparently surpass her autism awareness for miles. The fact that I knew how to treat autism + concussion shows me Matt must of had a hard childhood. Give your damn son some CBD when he goes off woman!
Let’s face it. The way my parents manage us. I have to go in alone if I go in by Autism Aware standards. There is just no way to make that livable. On top of that my Dad is either still considering what I am saying or ignoring it all together. For that I am just at the point where if I am ignored I will treat myself but I will give up on family unity. I am way more interested in the early commitment stages of my 2 year relationship showing themselves .This doesn’t mean I wasn’t Autism aware since 10. I am saying in regards to my family it doesn’t make a difference. They are just expecting me to act “normal”. Which I find? Just terribly pathetic.
Motor impairment, such as difficulty walking, tremor, loss of muscle movement, weakness or rigidity – Yes
Trouble swallowing (dysphagia) – Yes
Vision and focusing problems – Yes
Trouble with sense of smell (olfactory abnormalities) – Yes off and on.
Dementia – I keep losing things and buying repeat items.
Suicidal Ideations and Actions
The prevalence of suicidal thoughts.” Concussion and Autism: A Dangerous Mix Autism Citizen.
To make things worse. I feel I have a toxic family.
How I want to be remembered? I want to be remembered for calling people out on their shit. I want to be belligerent, rude and Honest beyond comprehension. My siblings Except with Kaylib. With Kaylib I want him to remember me as Empathetic, sweet and Loving. I want to try and leave him something should this be my last concussion. I am not suicidal… Not that anyone is Suicide Prevention trained.
What I will be doing: Playing games, smoking pot, CBD oil and etc. I will also be going to medical appointments, dealing with my psychotic siblings and trying to be with my friends. Even though they don’t get me lately. I will try it.
Last advice from me as a blogger: Don’t wait like I did. Don’t wait until you are sick to tell your addict brother he a sociopath. Don’t wait until you are sick to tell your sister you resent her getting you kicked out. Don’t wait to tell your Step mom to buzz off with her understanding of your mental health. Don’t wait to tell your Military Aunt you don’t give a shit what her title is she can go Fuck herself for how she treats you. Take it from me… I compromised so much that I don’t even like most of my family anymore.