Retention Disses

 

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Season 4, Episode 4 of Friends “I wanna quit the gym! I wanna quit the bank!”

Introduction: This post is going to have Retention disses for bad Customer/Company breakups I have experienced. It could be fun!

I know corporate culture loves to teach and train the practice of “retention”. Honestly, it gets to be a little too much when they tell you upon leaving GoodLife the staff says in a guilt-ridden manner “We’ll miss you.” cue puppy dog eyes. No one keeps me with guilt or clever sales statements. Your best shot would be discounting the service cost. Even still though… I don’t want anyone else but me deciding what I pay for and where I go on a regular basis.

To: GoodLife Fitness

I LEFT YOUR GYM TO GO TO COLLEGE WHERE MY TUITION COVERED THE COST OF A GYM MEMBERSHIP!

It doesn’t matter though…. If someone loses their job or needs to cut back expenses. That shouldn’t be anyone else’s opinion to weigh in on. “We are just trying to keep business.” No, you are not, you are being cruel and manipulative. Don’t have your staff who never talk to me say they will miss me. That is weird.

When they say? I want out, cancel my membership. Why can’t we just end our conversation there? It is their money. Treat it that way!

To: Fido

YOU USE YOUR RETENTION PROCESS TO UNDERCUT YOUR COMPETITORS THROUGH COMPARISON. THEIR NAME SHOULD NEVER EVEN BE SPOKEN BY YOUR AGENTS!

Why people leave your company? Maybe it is all the micro charges as accessibility issues you create! WTF?! Let your customers have service. Stop pushing self-serve.

People in Self-Serve Business Relationships… Deserve to have their other half aka customers leave them!


Message to readers: Quitting a gym shouldn’t be an opportunity for emotional manipulation. If you want to quit a service and they pull that. Make them want to leave you! I would string together some choice 4 letter words or tell them it is my right to manage my money how I see fit. Don’t get pushed around by the retention team.

UNHCR, get involved and make a difference

UNHCR

Ashton Deroy Writes: This summer I managed to raise $40 in personal donations to the UNHCR. An organization that helps refugees in 134 countries and 470 locations. They provide aide and relief while also advocating for democratic nations to continue to welcome refugees. I encourage my readers to click the banner above and connect with the website right now.

This is something I am very passionate about. Next summer I hope I can raise even more money to donate to the UNHCR.

 

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