I am the Autistic Ostrich

I am the Autistic Ostrich… Here is what is wrong with me!

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Okay so guess who was empowered by me seeking mental health treatment when I explicitly didn’t ask for it? It was not me the sexual assault victim who bravely moved on. It was not me the victim of amnesia who can’t count on their family. It was my ex, it was my family and it was my old job.

In this essay I am going to outline the stuff I don’t want to talk about on a usual basis. This way people can understand that mental health is not a 1 size fits all solution. In fact if you look in to my record at Quinte Health where I see a counsellor usually, it actually wasn’t supposed to be the solution at all. Why wasn’t this the solution?

Self-Esteem Questionaire:

  1. Do you like yourself as you are? No, what has given me the reason to like myself as I am? The fact that I am smart. Yet my Dad still agreed to have me verify my sexual assault in his separation. The fact that every boyfriend I have ever had has taken control or insulted my mental health. Yet I just keep hoping to fall in love. Yep I am the damaged one. Barely functioning 5 ft 9 rape victim Ashton Deroy takes the blame again. I might of scared people including family & even Kaylib Drury. I will take full blame for that. Do they take full blame for what they do? The fact that there is no Multiculturalism in our family so I am sad. The fact that I am a target for argumentation and debate. Or the fact that I require help from family that I do not receive.
  2. Should people be relatively grateful to have me in their lives? This is what makes mental health such a dumb and worthless occupational field. People either demonstrate they appreciate having you around. Or they do what Liam Hennessy did the entire time I dated him and gaslight me, calling me crazy and screwed up! I was actually approached by Liam Hennessy and asked to charge a person he claimed sexually assaulted him. Even though I never had that same experience.
  3. This is me yesterday lost in my own mind and struggling to get family help in the rain.
  4. If I didn’t know me? I’d think I was okay. No I wouldn’t think I am okay. I am a gay bash victim, a victim of mental manipulations and a rape victim. If I didn’t know me… I would see me behaving how I do and according to popular opinions. I would think I was and I quote “Still fucked up!” Liam Hennessy in regards to special needs people. (By the way I have never called Liam Hennessy out for abusing me. The rush is exhilarating!”)
  5. Growing up was I given the feeling that I properly deserve to exist? Does your Step brother Shane Fraiser repeating the phrases “Sped!” , “Retard.” & “Kill yourself” count? Sarcasm (Entertainment for stupid people) >> If so I was totally given the right to exist.
Meryam Haddad Sustainability Girl

The only idea I would agree to traumatic anxiety wise. After gay bash, after rape and after manipulative torture. I need hugs but they aren’t going to be found anymore because Kaylib Drury left and he was the only person I wanted them from. I need to enjoy cake with my friends… Even though I have brutally transitioned by routine so many times I don’t know who they are anymore. I want to enjoy arts & culture with Ashley…  I don’t believe in a better future because I have never been shown properly the possibility of one.  The proof is in how I got mental help. I was dumped and had all my stuff moved to the Napanee Police. I had seizures in the rain yesterday and still wanted to talk to Kaylib Drury because I missed him.

I get my passive aggressiveness tested even though I said not to because if aggressiveness is triggered I won’t be able to stop it. So I try to be passive and nice hoping that someone will take that for what it is. The fact that I want to learn, love & be cared for. However, I keep getting told somehow… Some way!!! The answer is going to be in seeking psychological help. I am happy to be where I am because I no longer trust the people I am supposed to love.

I have no culture anymore… I have no home… I have no lighter… I have no weed… Why do you think I would choose this help willingly? I have nothing to go back to when I am done. Furthermore I am of the opinion that ODSP is a crutch for families who don’t want to better their financial wellbeing and force independence on self-identified interdependent autistic people with poor self-regulation. This isn’t the help I need. It is the help being forced on me. That is what my mental health professionals told me a long time ago when I self-submitted complex trauma .

What I am enjoying about giving up the bong? A blog on Healthier user medicating with THC.

Review The subtle art of not giving fuck
Personal recommendation blogger to the reader: “The Subtle art of not giving a f*ck.”Book recommendation, I waited for a friend to buy it it before I bought it. If you are waiting and I am your reason to buy it. Good! Buy this book. I am comfortable saying it is thoroughly amusing.

Ashton Deroy writes:

Affirmation for myself, I will no longer smoke bongs! : I have to admit thinking about what I want for my blog while listening to The Subtle art of not giving a F*ck & taking my edibles to get to my ideal buzz. Basically, I was wondering with my blog’s following being a good percentage of stoners. If I should come out about a decision I made recently. I mean I smoked a bong and put up a podcast. It was some of the best hits this website got.

However, after consideration, I have decided to come out and say it. I quit smoking marijuana. I am still getting high, I am just no longer smoking marijuana. I am committed to giving up smoking marijuana. (I am writing that down for myself.)

It is has been an ugly addiction to smoke bongs. It isn’t a proper utility method for medicating one’s self. It is unadvanced and primitive. I can’t call myself an aspiring Utilitarian and remain a smoker. I am all for continuing to get medical doses for CBD & THC as a medical marijuana user. However, I can’t continue smoking. So I have switched to edibles.

Edibles

What am I enjoying about giving up the bong? I know mental clarity has increased. I can be high on an edible but still, come by rational thought. (I have stopped getting high as a method to hide my immense focus on recreational education. It is a cultural choice relating to theories of determinism. Get used to it.)

Replacing addiction with activity: Beyond that, I am enjoying the taste of chocolate over the taste of c02. I can get high by putting oil on a cookie now. My ritual has changed but not entirely. Smoking also is something I do to compensate for not getting enough fresh air. So I workout 8 minutes now and again in the backyard now because of the Coronavirus Pandemic it is best to the social distance at this time.

A nasty symptom from too much smoke inhalation: The last thing and honestly the incentive to quit smoking weed was based on a headache that went away once I quit smoking. We have to be careful we are such a dumb ape specie. We burn a plant, inhale a carbon, and somehow despite years of research. Somehow think it is beneficial to our lives.

Why I want to be high at all? I can honestly say the euphoria of a marijuana high for 4-6 hours or sometimes longer feels like a utilitarian benefit to my life at certain times. I don’t want trade organ damage for my high anymore though. A mood-stabilizing Medicine by the practicalities of common health & wellness would commonly be taken orally. I believe CBD & THC is beneficial for my autism in my off time and a necessity mood boost. However, an intoxication nuisance during my productive time.

I’ve had some fun doing bongs and saying stupid stuff. Anyone at 17 years old would think that stupidity is a blast while avoiding all consideration for their body! I think with age has to come weighing considerations in morality & practicality. On a note of morality and practicality… Will, I still call centers pointlessly with the singular goal being getting the agent to waste time with pointless chitchat? Absolutely I will. I am not a monster! I am a chatty Community College Business Grad.

(I am a medical marijuana user. If you want to be one you came to the right place. I leave referral links.)

Please go to…

  • https://sparkcannabis.ca/ – After a consultation. They might connect you with Marijuana Producers in Compliance with Canadian Federal Medical Marijuana law. Personal review: I said medical marijuana THC and CBD helped with my PTSD and autism. They helped me get connected.

Check out 3 reasons I love green grass Oasis. 

3 reasons I love Green Grass Oasis

Oasis

Ashton Deroy Writes: I love Tyendinaga Cannabis. I think yesterday on Instagram I may have triggered people who think, “He hates First Nations cannabis. He is an a**.” No, I am being honest and upfront with the current state of the legally defined illegal cannabis market. The honesty is at the end of the day is my social tribe needs to be in constant communication with each other to make sure cannabis is safe, accessible & we all agree on where we spend our money. That is it, I am not big enough to commit Libel which then amounts damage to Legacy 420. I am not the moral police! Check out the marijuana black list

Now I love Green Grass Oasis. I truly believe they are one of the kindest and fairest dispensaries in Tyendinaga. What do I love about this unlicensed dispensary? Here are 3 things I really love about Green Grass Oasis

  1. Friendly staff– They have a friendly & knowledgeable staff who can answer your questions on products.
  2. Never been short – We have never been shorted at Green Grass Oasis. There is a reputation of certain locations on the Res shorting people when they buy something like an ounce. 
  3. Close to but not quite medical quality – I am not going to pretend Res weed comes close to the quality of medical marijuana. Oasis comes pretty close though. However they don’t give you percentage estimates on your containers, I don’t think anything is scientifically verified with their strains & you don’t really know much about how they ensure they grow safe cannabis for your consumption. However great quality so far. Top shelf cannabis is amazing & for lower shelf items you get what you pay for which is not all bad either. 

Do not get me wrong. I sometimes buy legal Cannabis from OCS and Aphria. However, I am still a supporter of the illegal market. We just have to be open and honest about what the illegal market is like. If you are a friend or a family member in my tribe you have to tell people when you suspect foul play at illegal dispensaries. 

If you work with Legacy 420. Contact me @ Ashtonderoy@gmail.com . I have just heard some really evil things from people in regards to Legacy 420 hence why we keep you on the Black List. Prove me wrong! Just prove me wrong and do some good. I also read the release on habitat for humanity. However, the accusations I heard were that the operation was gang owned  & that you watered down CBD products. As a person with autism, I need places to grab reliable CBD. 


Ashton Deroy & Kaylib

About author 

Ashton Deroy is an LGBTQ Liberal with strong Libertarian convictions for Cannabis consumption in Ontario. Ashton Deroy first discovered the beautiful Tyendinaga’s marijuana scene 2018. Prior to that Ashton Deroy was a medical cannabis user in North York Canada. Ashton Deroy treats autism with CBD products and their sleep disorder with THC heavy indicas. 

Ashton Deroy maintains while there is a place for the illegal market. There is to a place for the legal market. Ashton Deroy has gone on record saying that he has lost friends to tainted Cannabis.

\”The legal cannabis shops will clean up Belleville Ontario & drive dangerous standalone drug dealers out of the pot business. That is the beauty of these shops.” Ashton Deroy

Check out my post on why I gave up the bong.