I am the Autistic Ostrich

I am the Autistic Ostrich… Here is what is wrong with me!

Like Ashton Deroy on Facebook 

Okay so guess who was empowered by me seeking mental health treatment when I explicitly didn’t ask for it? It was not me the sexual assault victim who bravely moved on. It was not me the victim of amnesia who can’t count on their family. It was my ex, it was my family and it was my old job.

In this essay I am going to outline the stuff I don’t want to talk about on a usual basis. This way people can understand that mental health is not a 1 size fits all solution. In fact if you look in to my record at Quinte Health where I see a counsellor usually, it actually wasn’t supposed to be the solution at all. Why wasn’t this the solution?

Self-Esteem Questionaire:

  1. Do you like yourself as you are? No, what has given me the reason to like myself as I am? The fact that I am smart. Yet my Dad still agreed to have me verify my sexual assault in his separation. The fact that every boyfriend I have ever had has taken control or insulted my mental health. Yet I just keep hoping to fall in love. Yep I am the damaged one. Barely functioning 5 ft 9 rape victim Ashton Deroy takes the blame again. I might of scared people including family & even Kaylib Drury. I will take full blame for that. Do they take full blame for what they do? The fact that there is no Multiculturalism in our family so I am sad. The fact that I am a target for argumentation and debate. Or the fact that I require help from family that I do not receive.
  2. Should people be relatively grateful to have me in their lives? This is what makes mental health such a dumb and worthless occupational field. People either demonstrate they appreciate having you around. Or they do what Liam Hennessy did the entire time I dated him and gaslight me, calling me crazy and screwed up! I was actually approached by Liam Hennessy and asked to charge a person he claimed sexually assaulted him. Even though I never had that same experience.
  3. This is me yesterday lost in my own mind and struggling to get family help in the rain.
  4. If I didn’t know me? I’d think I was okay. No I wouldn’t think I am okay. I am a gay bash victim, a victim of mental manipulations and a rape victim. If I didn’t know me… I would see me behaving how I do and according to popular opinions. I would think I was and I quote “Still fucked up!” Liam Hennessy in regards to special needs people. (By the way I have never called Liam Hennessy out for abusing me. The rush is exhilarating!”)
  5. Growing up was I given the feeling that I properly deserve to exist? Does your Step brother Shane Fraiser repeating the phrases “Sped!” , “Retard.” & “Kill yourself” count? Sarcasm (Entertainment for stupid people) >> If so I was totally given the right to exist.
Meryam Haddad Sustainability Girl

The only idea I would agree to traumatic anxiety wise. After gay bash, after rape and after manipulative torture. I need hugs but they aren’t going to be found anymore because Kaylib Drury left and he was the only person I wanted them from. I need to enjoy cake with my friends… Even though I have brutally transitioned by routine so many times I don’t know who they are anymore. I want to enjoy arts & culture with Ashley…  I don’t believe in a better future because I have never been shown properly the possibility of one.  The proof is in how I got mental help. I was dumped and had all my stuff moved to the Napanee Police. I had seizures in the rain yesterday and still wanted to talk to Kaylib Drury because I missed him.

I get my passive aggressiveness tested even though I said not to because if aggressiveness is triggered I won’t be able to stop it. So I try to be passive and nice hoping that someone will take that for what it is. The fact that I want to learn, love & be cared for. However, I keep getting told somehow… Some way!!! The answer is going to be in seeking psychological help. I am happy to be where I am because I no longer trust the people I am supposed to love.

I have no culture anymore… I have no home… I have no lighter… I have no weed… Why do you think I would choose this help willingly? I have nothing to go back to when I am done. Furthermore I am of the opinion that ODSP is a crutch for families who don’t want to better their financial wellbeing and force independence on self-identified interdependent autistic people with poor self-regulation. This isn’t the help I need. It is the help being forced on me. That is what my mental health professionals told me a long time ago when I self-submitted complex trauma .

Can’t we all just smoke pot and get along?

Like my Page on Facebook. I am the Autistic Ostrich! https://www.facebook.com/AshtonQBE

Check your cannabis bud from OCS and medical providers! Mold Problem according to Jacqui

Ashton Deroy writes: This is an emergency notice to my many Stoner friends on this blog! Right now there is a problem with Ontario Cannabis where people are receiving buds with mold. The OCS should be aware of this issue and re-fund receivers upon receiving it. Please do not smoke tainted recreational cannabis!

My social media ally Jacqui @Honieebean 

Has been communicating this issue out through her Instagram. I think that is so important and I praise her for doing this. Over the weekend we will continue to announce this issue & hold a discussion on the problem. I think it is important for me as a cannabis advocate to be on this issue and communicating actively.

“When in doubt, throw it out!”

Minors and Technology. Why I favor monitoring?

Minors and technology

Ashton Deroy Writes: I used to be one of the most Libertarian pro-tech people you would ever meet. I thought kids needed to learn computer proficiency fast as possible, schools needed to bend the curriculum to be more computer & mobile oriented and lastly we need to make sure all kids have access to a computer. I don’t think think that anymore… My views have changed with the exposure of people legally recognized as minors exposure to sex apps, drug culture & child predators. 

The first reason my views began changing was because of something that happened on GrindR in 2015. I had realized someone I was talking to was 16 years of age and they were on an app whose primary purpose was trolling for sex. Well I suppose I was on Plenty Of Fish doing the exact same thing at 17. It still worries me because Plenty Of Fish was like a casual dating site & GrindR was more like a “f*** me in a bathroom stall kind of place.” I encouraged the kid to leave the site as it wasn’t safe for them to use. This was when my opinion first began changing and it only gets worse. Someone really should be looking at their teenager’s phone and saying, “What is Grindr?” Or they should know, because it clearly isn’t educational.

The second part that began shifting my brain on children needing monitoring on technology happened in 2015 as well. My younger cousin used a phrase for smoking weed everyday (SWED) .  To my knowledge this kid has never even seen me & my brother smoke weed. However he had exposure to YouTube and it was enough for him to use the expression. Frig I’d rather kids imitate Sponge Bob than Imitate stoners! Which made me only further change my opinion on kids and tech.  If you don’t smoke weed around your kids. Why do you expose them to the adult culture of it?

The last part that really bugs me is the mix of child predators & even under aged nudity you are seeing online. FYI Instagram moderators could really use to clean things up! I am pretty sure kids are being exploited on Instagram and some of them getting paid for it via apps such as Only Fans. This kind of stuff just really grosses me out…  Parents should really be catching & preventing these things from happening. 

Just in my opinion I am getting to a point now where I am pro-monitoring minors on the internet. What we are seeing now? Is getting a bit gross. Kids are being exposed to an over sexualized culture, with drugs & predators. Unfortunately it hard to monitor these things with mobile media & computers. However I think it is necessary. 


About the writer 

Ashton in Tye Dye.png

Ashton Deroy is a Business student at Loyalist College & a modest donor to the Liberal Party of Canada. In the past he has been criticized as an arm chair activist & applauded as a pro-marijuana advocate. They are a graduate of Loyalist’s Advertising program & have a graduate certificate from St. Lawrence college in Digital Marketing. 

Like my page on Facebook. Click here