I am the Autistic Ostrich… Here is what is wrong with me!
Okay so guess who was empowered by me seeking mental health treatment when I explicitly didn’t ask for it? It was not me the sexual assault victim who bravely moved on. It was not me the victim of amnesia who can’t count on their family. It was my ex, it was my family and it was my old job.
In this essay I am going to outline the stuff I don’t want to talk about on a usual basis. This way people can understand that mental health is not a 1 size fits all solution. In fact if you look in to my record at Quinte Health where I see a counsellor usually, it actually wasn’t supposed to be the solution at all. Why wasn’t this the solution?
- Do you like yourself as you are? No, what has given me the reason to like myself as I am? The fact that I am smart. Yet my Dad still agreed to have me verify my sexual assault in his separation. The fact that every boyfriend I have ever had has taken control or insulted my mental health. Yet I just keep hoping to fall in love. Yep I am the damaged one. Barely functioning 5 ft 9 rape victim Ashton Deroy takes the blame again. I might of scared people including family & even Kaylib Drury. I will take full blame for that. Do they take full blame for what they do? The fact that there is no Multiculturalism in our family so I am sad. The fact that I am a target for argumentation and debate. Or the fact that I require help from family that I do not receive.
- Should people be relatively grateful to have me in their lives? This is what makes mental health such a dumb and worthless occupational field. People either demonstrate they appreciate having you around. Or they do what Liam Hennessy did the entire time I dated him and gaslight me, calling me crazy and screwed up! I was actually approached by Liam Hennessy and asked to charge a person he claimed sexually assaulted him. Even though I never had that same experience.
- This is me yesterday lost in my own mind and struggling to get family help in the rain.
- If I didn’t know me? I’d think I was okay. No I wouldn’t think I am okay. I am a gay bash victim, a victim of mental manipulations and a rape victim. If I didn’t know me… I would see me behaving how I do and according to popular opinions. I would think I was and I quote “Still fucked up!” Liam Hennessy in regards to special needs people. (By the way I have never called Liam Hennessy out for abusing me. The rush is exhilarating!”)
- Growing up was I given the feeling that I properly deserve to exist? Does your Step brother Shane Fraiser repeating the phrases “Sped!” , “Retard.” & “Kill yourself” count? Sarcasm (Entertainment for stupid people) >> If so I was totally given the right to exist.
The only idea I would agree to traumatic anxiety wise. After gay bash, after rape and after manipulative torture. I need hugs but they aren’t going to be found anymore because Kaylib Drury left and he was the only person I wanted them from. I need to enjoy cake with my friends… Even though I have brutally transitioned by routine so many times I don’t know who they are anymore. I want to enjoy arts & culture with Ashley… I don’t believe in a better future because I have never been shown properly the possibility of one. The proof is in how I got mental help. I was dumped and had all my stuff moved to the Napanee Police. I had seizures in the rain yesterday and still wanted to talk to Kaylib Drury because I missed him.
I get my passive aggressiveness tested even though I said not to because if aggressiveness is triggered I won’t be able to stop it. So I try to be passive and nice hoping that someone will take that for what it is. The fact that I want to learn, love & be cared for. However, I keep getting told somehow… Some way!!! The answer is going to be in seeking psychological help. I am happy to be where I am because I no longer trust the people I am supposed to love.
I have no culture anymore… I have no home… I have no lighter… I have no weed… Why do you think I would choose this help willingly? I have nothing to go back to when I am done. Furthermore I am of the opinion that ODSP is a crutch for families who don’t want to better their financial wellbeing and force independence on self-identified interdependent autistic people with poor self-regulation. This isn’t the help I need. It is the help being forced on me. That is what my mental health professionals told me a long time ago when I self-submitted complex trauma .
Meryam Haddad Instagram link
“Je suis fière d’avoir aider des centaines de famille à se réfugier au Canada. Certains étaient nés apatrides et n’avaient jamais été voulu nulle part ailleurs. Nous devons toujours garder les frontières canadiennes ouvertes aux personnes qui se sauvent de la persécution et qui demandent la protectection permanente. #journéeduréfugié .”
#refugeeday I am proud to have been able to give hundreds of families the chance to come to #canada. Some were born stateless and had no where else to go. We need to keep our borders open to welcome those who are fleeing persecution and who need permanent protect.
Check out her campaign page: https://www.meryam2020.ca/en/her-story
“A bit of Autistic decision making.”
I have my faith, my moral system, and one hell of a Market Research brain. I will share who I am networking with out of my Social Media Marketing / Market Research adaptation of Socialism. However, I don’t think I am defined by the party. I am defined by my faith and ideology.
Somewhat this website has a cliche radical left history. However, we are done being mad at Conservatives out of teenage rebellion. We need to be left and also love grandma too. Summary of the last election: No one got what they wanted and everyone was uncomfortable with the behavior of the establishment. It divided us on sexuality, race & the environment. Let’s try for some more fluid thinking or the conversation will continue to surprise you.
I am competitive but I am not as alienated as I seem. As of recently, I have outed myself to the extent of being a Socialist, a Progressive, at times a Liberal and yet I admit to having some unshakeable Progressive Conservative values. I am not basing my culture off of nothing. If you need to know where a lot of my values stemmed from as an anti-fascist… Well, here you go! 😀 Click here for a wiki link
Not included in the theory… Non-voting culture … I think we should celebrate those who sit out from Democracy as peacekeepers. They let the idealists and the contentious battle it out & only vote when absolutely morally necessary. I think this is admirable to encourage peace, order and good governance.
Well, I hope that clears up my thinking!
Announcement: I am so happy we have 30 regular readers averaging. I write for my own Democratic Socialist paper route in a way. 🙂 Thank you, guys.
Planning to write more of:
- My Democratic experiment on Animal Crossing and what I based it on. Also, what was the purpose?
- Corporate Communism (the consolidation of Business interests and political interests) and what Al Gore’s Book The Future can tell us about fighting it.
What is collective?
Our domain is DeroyCollective.Family . Some people are probably wondering what this means. What is collective? Why is that in there? In general I am referring to the collective in my family in regards to family members who use Egalitarian principle thinking. They are within our collective.
Why am I doing this?
Sometimes are family makes marginalizing statements. Especially in regards to Indigenous and French people. This is weird and insane ignorance. As we are pretty sure Deroy is embedded into a French Loyalist history.
I made a T-shirt and I put the brand on it.
Statement and mission:
I am 26 years old, in a family of Indigenous, French & Loyalist people. It is about time we acted in a manner befitting to our histories. Not with a cultural nihilism and passionless existence. My last name has a meaning to me and when you stop contributing to my addiction issues and realize >>Profanity censored but intended **** ******* MATTERS! Then maybe we can work our way to a healthy and more deterministic community.
I’ve thought about this. It is a bit insane with we don’t as a community has a unified approach to Suicide Prevention yet. I have observed people trying the “If you commit Suicide I will get really mad.” approach, I know this isn’t an effective approach. Suicidal ideation is a healthcare emergency much like CPR is a healthcare emergency skill for basic life-saving.
If we want to Sustain our community longer. We have to get on the same page about Suicide. I paid $20 for this course and with it at least I have a fighting chance at making a difference for myself and others. We need to change our culture around suicide to be healthier and more sustainable for our communities. If you are reading this there is something you can do to make a difference in our Social Culture.
Go to LivingWorks.Net and get trained in Suicide Prevention, because Mental Health Emergencies are now a commonplace emergency. Thank you for reading my blog.
I am sorry but if it wasn’t for my complete ignorance in perception to Mohawk Political culture I wouldn’t of picked up this Political theory book. Admittedly had I known the contents of this book I would not have bought it. This is going to be less of a quantifiable review and more of an emotional review. Sometimes we flip the script and just get real on this website.
An intimate relationship has me bias to materials: My feelings are that I am glad my boyfriend isn’t a fundamental Native Sovereigntess. In fact, he might be marginalized by Political Native Soverigntests. For those who don’t know Traditional Native sovereignty values would likely reduce my relationship to nothing more than a member and an outsider. / That was very dehumanizing. I was very happy recently when my boyfriend said: “My culture is anime and video games.” Not just because it was a silly statement by a free spirit. It also reminds me that in spite of his cultural heritage he sets his own values and he doesn’t have to choose a culture or values where we will both be marginalized. I’m still just a Socialist and he is probably still deciding what he is.
Will I finish the book? This is one of those times where if I pick up a book I might as well finish it. Not that I am glad of having read it. I am not… Just because if you’ve started to understand some of these issues. It is worth continuing to understand these complex issues. That is my review. If you are a Pluralist Indigenous, mixed indigenous, or of descendence of Loyalist setters this book might make you feel a bit down and even depressed. We identify as a family of Mohawk people & French Loyalist Settlers. Ultimately this is worth knowing.
“I bet on not reccomending the book before I finished reading it. I immediately changed my mind” Ashton Deroy commentary
Sustainable Development goal. For Pluralism to exist with Indigenous people: Page 119 could change my opinion on the book greatly. Especially in looking at things like Blood Quantum in relationship to Indigenous persons and how offensive that is. One thing I definitely care about is being diplomatic in relationship to marginalized people. It also makes me recognize that some people treat the Indian act and Mohawk Culture as more of an unserious novelty. For Pluralism to exist we must respect their traditions and point of view. On page 119 you can see a prime example of two people deciding to deny each other their Indigenous heritage one from the rude position of bureaucracy the other from feelings of marginalization and victimization from being denied rights from their legal Indian status card. My position with my social circle remains if you claim to be indigenous I pay respect to that. However, a position of duty related to potential jobs may put me in a place similar to this. I definitely don’t want to make anyone feel alienated from their heritage and point of view. The respectable thing to do is treat their views as legitimate and develop some respect for their point of view so that you can speak as equals even if not the same. Even if executing duty. I think had considerations of been paid for duty of job position & ethnology of everyone involved. The situation would have gone better.
I changed my mind I will now give this book a shout out and recommendation. Mohawk Interupts by Audra Simpson Click here.
Related Link but more academic.