I am the Autistic Ostrich

I am the Autistic Ostrich… Here is what is wrong with me!

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Okay so guess who was empowered by me seeking mental health treatment when I explicitly didn’t ask for it? It was not me the sexual assault victim who bravely moved on. It was not me the victim of amnesia who can’t count on their family. It was my ex, it was my family and it was my old job.

In this essay I am going to outline the stuff I don’t want to talk about on a usual basis. This way people can understand that mental health is not a 1 size fits all solution. In fact if you look in to my record at Quinte Health where I see a counsellor usually, it actually wasn’t supposed to be the solution at all. Why wasn’t this the solution?

Self-Esteem Questionaire:

  1. Do you like yourself as you are? No, what has given me the reason to like myself as I am? The fact that I am smart. Yet my Dad still agreed to have me verify my sexual assault in his separation. The fact that every boyfriend I have ever had has taken control or insulted my mental health. Yet I just keep hoping to fall in love. Yep I am the damaged one. Barely functioning 5 ft 9 rape victim Ashton Deroy takes the blame again. I might of scared people including family & even Kaylib Drury. I will take full blame for that. Do they take full blame for what they do? The fact that there is no Multiculturalism in our family so I am sad. The fact that I am a target for argumentation and debate. Or the fact that I require help from family that I do not receive.
  2. Should people be relatively grateful to have me in their lives? This is what makes mental health such a dumb and worthless occupational field. People either demonstrate they appreciate having you around. Or they do what Liam Hennessy did the entire time I dated him and gaslight me, calling me crazy and screwed up! I was actually approached by Liam Hennessy and asked to charge a person he claimed sexually assaulted him. Even though I never had that same experience.
  3. This is me yesterday lost in my own mind and struggling to get family help in the rain.
  4. If I didn’t know me? I’d think I was okay. No I wouldn’t think I am okay. I am a gay bash victim, a victim of mental manipulations and a rape victim. If I didn’t know me… I would see me behaving how I do and according to popular opinions. I would think I was and I quote “Still fucked up!” Liam Hennessy in regards to special needs people. (By the way I have never called Liam Hennessy out for abusing me. The rush is exhilarating!”)
  5. Growing up was I given the feeling that I properly deserve to exist? Does your Step brother Shane Fraiser repeating the phrases “Sped!” , “Retard.” & “Kill yourself” count? Sarcasm (Entertainment for stupid people) >> If so I was totally given the right to exist.
Meryam Haddad Sustainability Girl

The only idea I would agree to traumatic anxiety wise. After gay bash, after rape and after manipulative torture. I need hugs but they aren’t going to be found anymore because Kaylib Drury left and he was the only person I wanted them from. I need to enjoy cake with my friends… Even though I have brutally transitioned by routine so many times I don’t know who they are anymore. I want to enjoy arts & culture with Ashley…  I don’t believe in a better future because I have never been shown properly the possibility of one.  The proof is in how I got mental help. I was dumped and had all my stuff moved to the Napanee Police. I had seizures in the rain yesterday and still wanted to talk to Kaylib Drury because I missed him.

I get my passive aggressiveness tested even though I said not to because if aggressiveness is triggered I won’t be able to stop it. So I try to be passive and nice hoping that someone will take that for what it is. The fact that I want to learn, love & be cared for. However, I keep getting told somehow… Some way!!! The answer is going to be in seeking psychological help. I am happy to be where I am because I no longer trust the people I am supposed to love.

I have no culture anymore… I have no home… I have no lighter… I have no weed… Why do you think I would choose this help willingly? I have nothing to go back to when I am done. Furthermore I am of the opinion that ODSP is a crutch for families who don’t want to better their financial wellbeing and force independence on self-identified interdependent autistic people with poor self-regulation. This isn’t the help I need. It is the help being forced on me. That is what my mental health professionals told me a long time ago when I self-submitted complex trauma .

Why my websites don’t suck?!

Reading recommendation:

The subtle art of not giving a fuck title

Believe it or not, this book will have a key element in my website’s Branding strategy. I just do not give a F*ck!

 

Okay so my websites clearly use https://logomakr.com/ for graphics, but I never claimed to be a Graphic Designer.

Okay, so the Social Media content isn’t consistent. I never claimed that my theories found that essential.

What have I claimed to be? Community Manager, Customer service representative, A Salesperson, a Writer, a Socialist, Social Reformer, Liberal Socialist, a content writer & A Business Planner.

That is the first reason why my website doesn’t suck. Yeah I am not some amazing artist (I have done art I am proud of.) I am engaging and I do write provocatively.

The second reason my websites don’t suck! 

We get most of our traffic from our Belleville Ontario tag! Meaning I know I am inspiring and engaging with bright Community College minds like me, my Uncle & my brother. I think Community values are the biggest benefit of Socialism. We hold deep value for friendly, equal & civil societies.

The last reason my websites don’t suck!

I have been doing a try & fail applied experimental approach to my website. It takes a while to find your style but we are finally getting into our niche. Yes, we generate more conversations than we do revenue, however, I am building a community I am truly learning to care for. Hence the reason I got Suicide Prevention training. We had a reader express Suicidal thoughts and I felt unprepared. Now if a reader does that I am trained to transfer her to a professional who can stop their family from experiencing incredible grief.

So sue me! I have a relationship with my readers and I am not a creative lifestyle brand! My Websites don’t suck. Want to upset someone greatly? Make them feel like crap about something they worked really hard on. Just remember human beings are prone to the human responses of emotional volatility. Working at Fido in Customer service in 2019 taught me that much.

 

Need a website? Let’s interview and I can do a sales pitch. 

Need a Business plan? 

Business Planning Service

Business Plan Basic

Ashton Deroy writes: Or take advantage of a non-intermediary rate of $15 per 1000 words. I have always operated as a Starter Company with an academic culture as well. So starting as of April 2020. We are going to begin starting up ideas for Portfolio projects and Mock Clients.

Updated Mission Statement: “To learn & deliver advanced strategies in Communications, Business Planning & Sustainability.”

EXECUTIVE SUMMARY 

AshtonDeroy.com has talked about Socialism and Sustainability prior. Now our focus is more mixed. There will be blogging, Business talk, Sustainability talk & Communications talk.  We are still going to honor our Socialist culture. Especially during times like Pride, 4/20 and the Covid19 crisis. Now we just want to clean it up and make it professional. While maintaining our Social Democratic and Sustainability values.

Company Profile Summary

Ashton Deroy started the journey in 2016 as a Digital Marketing Business. Ashton Deroy has ventured into consulting on app development teams, consulted with Nonprofits, and suggested a layout for Seneca College’s counseling department. Long term this Business will behave as either a Partnership or Cooperative. This is an important part of being a Communications Business with a Socialist & Sustainability culture. 

Marketing Summary

AshtonDeroy.com would be really ambitious to get a regular podcast going. Besides that, we are a digital Business so we intend to stick to a digital domain. We will focus on getting Mock clients for reviews, Digital Social Media channels & Cross channel promotion with available Fiverr promoters. We will also lean on cold contacting on Kijiji as well.

Finance summary 

  • Cash inflows – Cash will be gained by sale of services and website ad revenue.
  • Cash Outflows– Mock client acquisition $50, Fiverr Promotion $50.
  • Investment – Will use personal capital to fund marketing and positioning strategies.